it'll be nice if you all read this entry. thanks!
Saturday 4th dec 2004.
the morning rose with anticipation. sweet spring vapour filled the air which was cold and crisp. it was probably the coldest morning to date this spring and the hidden sun did little to warm the temperatures. the sunlight did not creep into my room to wake me up, instead, as with technology, the digital alarm clock sent a spur of a ring and awoke me from the stairwells of a dream. taking a while to realise where i am, i look around and find myself in my room. it's a saturday and i'm 17. as my senses slowly draw back and the sun steadily rises from horizons afar, i lie in my bed, motionless, but with a mind full of thoughts. it has been a while, has been awhile since i've done it. it is my secret and no one knows. it is my escape from the slums of my time and a glimsp into a hopeful, yet sometimes disappointing future. it's been a while since i've time travelled. i can't control when it comes or where or when i go to. it started when i was 9 and the experience more the startled me, but after a while, i managed to grasp the wonders of this gift, this gift and curse.
lying on my bed, i suddenly start to feel nauseous and dizzy. my rooms spins and flashes of cupboards and drawers and the walls fly past my eyes. i feel like throwing up. then a bright flash of white light invades my eyes. then nothing.
tuesday 19th november 2030.
i find myself in unfamiliar territory, like a thief in someone else's house. a mirror stands in front on me and i take a look. i am still 17 and it occurs to me that i have time travelled again. i take a look at my surroundings. i'm in a bedroom, seems as though it is the masterbed room. there is a huge bed adjacent to a soft blue wall. the typical furniture fills the room. there are no photographs in the room which gives me no hints of where i am. neither do i know when i am in. getting out of the room, i enter the living room and find a stack of newspapers on the coffee table. i pick it up and see the date. 19th november 2030. i start browsing through the paper to see if anything interesting happens on that day. suddenly, a voice calls my name. it is soft, gently and delicate, full of hope. i turn and what greets my eyes is probably the most beautiful lady i've ever seen. she takes her place next to me and meets my eyes with a smile, a smile as though she knew me for a long time, for forever. she says, "i see you've time travelled again? where are you from?"
i reply, "4th december 2004. who...who are you?"
"well, we get married in 2020" she smiles. i smile. there is a thing about her smile. as though she has not seen me(or my present 43 year old self) for a very long time. she looks weary and tired. i say nothing.
she is beautiful.
we talk for a while as i casually browse the papers. i stop. under "10th november 2030" i see my name in the obituaries. a white flash of light. then nothing.
4th december 2004
i sit in my room in cold sweat. i'm back in my present time. where i should be. yet where i do not want to be. i want to see that lady again. i want to see my future wife again. look at her, talk to her. she was beautiful and angelic. a calm ocean. then it hits me. i die. i die when i'm 43, on november 10th 2030. right now in 2004 there's this girl somewhere out there, my wife, my wife not knowing that she'll be my wife. a girl that i've not met. and we will get married. and she will lose me 10 years after our marriage. and 10 days after i die, she will see a 17 year old version of myself. the thought haunts me. the lonliness, the sorrow, the parting.
1st january 2005.
i'm at a new year party now. it's 1am and i'm at my friend's backyard looking out at the night sky. the blackness is consumed by a white flash of light. then darkness.
4th june 2028
i find myself in a zoo. i look at a large clock suspended from the celing. it's 11.00am, 4th june 2028. i spot something familiar. it's her, holding a child's hand. our eyes meet and she flashes a wide smile and runs quickly towards where i am.
"i saw you in 2030. how do you know who i am now?" i ask.
"well, you time travelled loads of times before today. i've seen you lots of times."
i think to myself. in 2028, i'm not dead yet.
"so where's my present self?" i am interested to see.
"well, you've disappeared too. somewhere in time" she replies with stong hints of saddness.
"and who's this young girl?"
"she's our daughter, rory." tears gather in my eyes. i talk to our child. then white flashes and the cruel agony of nothing.
1st january 2005
i'm back in the backyard with tears streaming down my face.
23rd december 2020
it's been 4 months since we got married and we're now thinking of a child. i know that i have only 10 years left. i know that we will have a child, a girl, and her name will be rory. she is beautiful, like her mom. her mom does not know that she will have a child named rory, neither does she know that she will lose her husband in 10 years. it will be better if she doesn't know. it is morning now and i open my eyes to see my wife sleeping next to me. serenity. white flashes. nothing.
4th may 2060
i'm somewhere in the distant future of my home. the furniture look futuristic to me and even the sky yonder the window looks different. i'm in rory's room, but she's not there. she has to be 40 something now. a grown woman. thoughts then flutter to my wife. is she still here? is she still alive? has lonliness consumed her for these 30 years? i see light coming from the masterbed room. i peel open the door silently and see an elderly sitting on the bed. her back is facing me. she senses something and turns around. our eyes meet. it is my wife. she goes into tears and smiles for me. tears swell up in my eyes. a hurricane of emotions twirl in the room. we say nothing and embrace.
she told me that through these last 30 years, she had seen me quite a few times. sometimes my 17 year old self, or my 22 year old , 30 or 40 year old. she had always missed me and i know it was and is hard for her. she knew i was coming and she was patiently waiting for me this whole time. our eyes meet as though they have not met in forever. i am happy.
"i am happy" she says.
she leans into my arms and rests her head on my shoulder. she leaves the world with wings.
white flashes. nothing.
the morning rose with anticipation. sweet spring vapour filled the air which was cold and crisp. it was probably the coldest morning to date this spring and the hidden sun did little to warm the temperatures. the sunlight did not creep into my room to wake me up, instead, as with technology, the digital alarm clock sent a spur of a ring and awoke me from the stairwells of a dream. taking a while to realise where i am, i look around and find myself in my room. it's a saturday and i'm 17. as my senses slowly draw back and the sun steadily rises from horizons afar, i lie in my bed, motionless, but with a mind full of thoughts. it has been a while, has been awhile since i've done it. it is my secret and no one knows. it is my escape from the slums of my time and a glimsp into a hopeful, yet sometimes disappointing future. it's been a while since i've time travelled. i can't control when it comes or where or when i go to. it started when i was 9 and the experience more the startled me, but after a while, i managed to grasp the wonders of this gift, this gift and curse.
lying on my bed, i suddenly start to feel nauseous and dizzy. my rooms spins and flashes of cupboards and drawers and the walls fly past my eyes. i feel like throwing up. then a bright flash of white light invades my eyes. then nothing.
tuesday 19th november 2030.
i find myself in unfamiliar territory, like a thief in someone else's house. a mirror stands in front on me and i take a look. i am still 17 and it occurs to me that i have time travelled again. i take a look at my surroundings. i'm in a bedroom, seems as though it is the masterbed room. there is a huge bed adjacent to a soft blue wall. the typical furniture fills the room. there are no photographs in the room which gives me no hints of where i am. neither do i know when i am in. getting out of the room, i enter the living room and find a stack of newspapers on the coffee table. i pick it up and see the date. 19th november 2030. i start browsing through the paper to see if anything interesting happens on that day. suddenly, a voice calls my name. it is soft, gently and delicate, full of hope. i turn and what greets my eyes is probably the most beautiful lady i've ever seen. she takes her place next to me and meets my eyes with a smile, a smile as though she knew me for a long time, for forever. she says, "i see you've time travelled again? where are you from?"
i reply, "4th december 2004. who...who are you?"
"well, we get married in 2020" she smiles. i smile. there is a thing about her smile. as though she has not seen me(or my present 43 year old self) for a very long time. she looks weary and tired. i say nothing.
she is beautiful.
we talk for a while as i casually browse the papers. i stop. under "10th november 2030" i see my name in the obituaries. a white flash of light. then nothing.
4th december 2004
i sit in my room in cold sweat. i'm back in my present time. where i should be. yet where i do not want to be. i want to see that lady again. i want to see my future wife again. look at her, talk to her. she was beautiful and angelic. a calm ocean. then it hits me. i die. i die when i'm 43, on november 10th 2030. right now in 2004 there's this girl somewhere out there, my wife, my wife not knowing that she'll be my wife. a girl that i've not met. and we will get married. and she will lose me 10 years after our marriage. and 10 days after i die, she will see a 17 year old version of myself. the thought haunts me. the lonliness, the sorrow, the parting.
1st january 2005.
i'm at a new year party now. it's 1am and i'm at my friend's backyard looking out at the night sky. the blackness is consumed by a white flash of light. then darkness.
4th june 2028
i find myself in a zoo. i look at a large clock suspended from the celing. it's 11.00am, 4th june 2028. i spot something familiar. it's her, holding a child's hand. our eyes meet and she flashes a wide smile and runs quickly towards where i am.
"i saw you in 2030. how do you know who i am now?" i ask.
"well, you time travelled loads of times before today. i've seen you lots of times."
i think to myself. in 2028, i'm not dead yet.
"so where's my present self?" i am interested to see.
"well, you've disappeared too. somewhere in time" she replies with stong hints of saddness.
"and who's this young girl?"
"she's our daughter, rory." tears gather in my eyes. i talk to our child. then white flashes and the cruel agony of nothing.
1st january 2005
i'm back in the backyard with tears streaming down my face.
23rd december 2020
it's been 4 months since we got married and we're now thinking of a child. i know that i have only 10 years left. i know that we will have a child, a girl, and her name will be rory. she is beautiful, like her mom. her mom does not know that she will have a child named rory, neither does she know that she will lose her husband in 10 years. it will be better if she doesn't know. it is morning now and i open my eyes to see my wife sleeping next to me. serenity. white flashes. nothing.
4th may 2060
i'm somewhere in the distant future of my home. the furniture look futuristic to me and even the sky yonder the window looks different. i'm in rory's room, but she's not there. she has to be 40 something now. a grown woman. thoughts then flutter to my wife. is she still here? is she still alive? has lonliness consumed her for these 30 years? i see light coming from the masterbed room. i peel open the door silently and see an elderly sitting on the bed. her back is facing me. she senses something and turns around. our eyes meet. it is my wife. she goes into tears and smiles for me. tears swell up in my eyes. a hurricane of emotions twirl in the room. we say nothing and embrace.
she told me that through these last 30 years, she had seen me quite a few times. sometimes my 17 year old self, or my 22 year old , 30 or 40 year old. she had always missed me and i know it was and is hard for her. she knew i was coming and she was patiently waiting for me this whole time. our eyes meet as though they have not met in forever. i am happy.
"i am happy" she says.
she leans into my arms and rests her head on my shoulder. she leaves the world with wings.
white flashes. nothing.
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