a hope still aflame in the heart

It's been 3 weeks. 3 weeks since i decided to plunge myself into depression; note: my own stupid decision. things would have been so different, if only i had the guts to speak, to act, to ask, to be brave. Sadly, and painfully, i did not. i did not. i did not. now, i have to live through this living hell every day, not knowing anything at all save fragile hints and hopeful guesses. i haven't forgotten her, nor do i think i will anytime soon. this is a thing with me. once i like someone, my mind will stick to that person for a long time, until the dimness where all hope is really diminished. i am still searching, i am still finding, i am still hoping. and now with army coming along, i think i will have to endure this daily torture of not knowing this girl's name and not seeing her face, more so painful than the sweating i have to go through. i don't even know what i am typing now, because my mind is simply too preoccupied with her. i cannot think. i can only feel. when the soul seeks to hear, when all is hushed, and the heart listens. i guess coleridge really did know what he was talking about. all i ask, all i really want, is to find her.