Feeling a moment

So many emotions flood on me when I look at this picture, I'm actually trying to write down the one. The one reason behind my recent state of emotional wreckness.

And why, why I have come to accept it to be a part of who I am.

I remember the other day when I was with Esther and Candice at an Arab Street cafe, somewhere along the conversation I was telling them some personal stuff, and the raw, unkept emotions that I felt, the state I lived in, and then Candice said, "well you have to guard yourself against it (the emotions)."

I thought for a while, and replied,

"I don't think I want to. I want to feel this."

It's painful, yes, it is. It hurts like hell. When my head touches that pillow in the dark room, all is silent, but all is not. My thoughts drift to all the worries life can possibly conjure up. I worry about family, friends, school, work, my future, relationships, marriage, my future home, my wife's dream wedding, my kid's name....i worry about myself, whether or not I'm going to lose who I am and not be the guy I want to be. It hurts like hell. And it's tragic, yes.

But that's life.

And if it's tragedy, then give me tragedy.