The place you have come to fear the most

During the unearthly hours of pre-dawn on my birthday, I was wide awake in bed, unable to sleep. I tried to convince myself that it was the excitement of the day to come, but somehow, a nagging feeling crept up, whispering to me that that wasn’t it. The hisses continued, and in the darkness of my room, where all familiarity faded and counted for nothing, I began to reflect on the past year.

My first thoughts were of the New Year countdown that I had with the class guys and Michelle. I remember standing on the esplanade bridge as the final few seconds of 2006 slipped by. That night, I took some time to pray. I told God, that for the next year, I wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by close friends. I wanted to establish new friendships, solidify wavering ones, revive dying ones and seal the already strong ones. Essentially, I prayed that I would be a good friend, the best I ever could, I would give it my all, my everything, to the people around me. I wanted to be that person who would make that extra effort to inject in some humanity and warmth into the production line. In the dead of the night, on my bed, Jane Austen appeared and reminded me of Captain Harville as a man of, “a degree of warmth and hospitality so uncommon, so unlike the usual give and take invitations”. I remember looking up a lot to this seaman when I was in JC, and I guess, I could say, that Harville, though fictional as he may be, has played a sea’s worth of influence on my character ever since.

Somewhere along the stairs of my house, there was a sudden snap, and in silence, it was as loud as a cannon shot. I shuddered at the sudden, forceful and brutal thought of whether I had become that person in this past year. And then I thought of all the friends I had around me, their faces emerging out of the darkness, faintly glowing in the cold of the room.

And so, at the ungodly hour of 3am, I felt a wave of blessing upon me, and fell into a deep, deep sleep.