In Rainbows
2007 was a recovery year for me. I told God, that even if I were to get nothing else in the year, all I wanted, was to be surrounded by close friends. God was, and is, faithful, and He delivered. I found myself sleeping in comfort and walking in bliss, as my guardian angels flew by me. They were with me through the journeys in the abyss, where seemingly, fate was not to have me climb out of. They blew their trumpets, when the forces of evil raged war against me, and the demons with their forked minds and instruments had their banners disintegrate in the divine glory. They carried me, when I was weak, and was unable to go on, my hands and feet war weary, and the cold of the Ardennes limbed my thoughts and resolve. They gave me shelter and respite, as I fell asleep around them, the only place I knew I could be safe. I called it home.
To these friends, nay, these guardian angels who knew no rest, you know who you are. You have been a tremendous blessing to me this past year and I appreciate you to the deepest of my soul. I love each and every one of you with my heart, and only hope that I can be as accountable to you, and you have been to me. Your friendship means a great deal to me, and I pray that it'll last a lifetime.
"Faith, Hope, Love. And the greatest of these is Love."
I want to take this time now to give thanks for some of the blessings I had received in 2007, in no specific order.
1) 04A1A
2) Sarah F, Ryan K, Debbie F, Candice K, Brian C
3) Epicurie
4) Traffic Police and my commission
5) Haji Lane and Pluck
6) KL trip with OCTs
7) Amanda Goh, Jonathan Lim, Yong Cheng and Council
8) Random meetings in public places with long lost friends
9) Baybeats and Lime Sonic Bang (rock on.)
10) Emiko, Emily Seow and Mei Jian
11) All the birthdays we still celebrate, or at least try to (this year's our 21st!!)
12) Lucas, Ji Hao and Mark
13) My OCT gang
14) Church, and they people who never gave up on me. you know who you are.
15) BMT Boys
16) Pink I/C (ORD LOH.)
God Himself was a big blessing to me, and so has He given me much, much more in the past year. I thank Lord Jesus earnestly and sincerely, and rededicate my life to Him.
Tuning to a slightly more solemn mood, I had lost some good friends in 2007. Either by circumstance or fate, I do not know. In 2007, I lived in the real world, even if only for a period of time. A world where the walls of the classroom could protect no longer. A world where the safety nets were withdrawn, and you were left to fall on your own. A world where cynicism reigns, and the idealist dies. I witnessed people who had a total lack of feeling, but were far superior in intelligence and wit. I remember, on many an empty day, I would sit ad wonder, how they became the way they were.
And in one of my friends I saw it. How care and concern gave way to competitiveness and self centredness. I am not judging, for I am not in any seat to, but I lament greatly, how many people go through their lives without ever knowing the mistakes they made. I am an idealist, and sometimes I have hope for the people around me, as if I myself were living their lives. And when that image dies, a part of me dies. Cynicism attacks in a deadly poison of indifference.
Maybe that's how I lost those friends. Or maybe, they just moved on. Maybe we all just moved on.
I remember back in 2005, I wrote a poem about my class. I can't remember the exact words now, but I remember writing this sentence: Sometimes, to move a step forward, is to reach for the door, and take the step back.
I kneel, and pray with an earnest might, that I will not lose myself in the coming year. After the catastrophe of 2006, it took me one whole year to find myself again. I still am, because contrary to popular belief, I am still a teenager, and as such, I have a right to be entirely useless, perpetually clueless and rocking my butt off, while trying to find my way. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am not ashamed of that.
I am not afraid to say that 2008 will be a trying and tiring year. There will be much change, perhaps, too much change. For the last 2 years, I had known nothing of the world outside of NS. Now, I am fighting my way back into society with my pampered stomach and ignorant mind. Uni will come next, and honestly, I fear speculation more than the entry itself. Many people change in uni. I guess all that's required of us, is to make sure that change is good, nothing more. In uni, I will be without 2 of the most important people in my life, you know who you are. To 1 of you, I support your decision for faraway shores, where white gulls hark you a calling. To the other, I support you as well, and am happy for you doing what you love and want to do.
I thank God for my family, who has been extremely supportive of my every decision. They are golden. There is so much love in the house, although there is still the occasional quarrel here and there, for which I am deeply sorry for. I love you very much, although I guess I don't say it out loud. I hope you are proud of me for all that I had/had not done. 2007 was a struggle for time between family and friends, and I ask God to please give me better time management for 2008. So if anyone has read up to this point, and if I should unexpectedly die, please draw my family to this entry.
On a personal front, I hope to find myself in music this year, and I pray that Epicurie will be able to release our debut album soon, and settle our band. Also, Manchester United will win the treble this year. :P
Using the analogy of my kayaking expedition back in 2006, it is the start of the year and I am still lingering in the calm waters of Pulau Ubin. My confidence is high, and nothing is impossible. An idealist has lofty ideals which may either see him through to safe shores, or decimate him in the stormy seas. I will soon embark on my first channel crossing to the mainland. The crossing has to be fast and hard. A spear attack, as in the days of old, where the word 'rest' cannot be allowed to penetrate the mind. Dark greyish clouds loom yonder the horizon. A storm will approach with fierce ferocity. The waves will be high, and the treacherous waters will threaten to engulf me. The sea has an appetite for man which knows no comparison. The clear water vanishes into a colour of darkness, and I can no longer see the kaleidoscope of corals and reefs below me. A fall of rain to the far south. A roar of winds that deafens my thoughts into silence. I cannot think, as lethargy overcomes my strength. I fight against the forces, and all seems futile.
The rain approaches. I cannot find the way back home. Stinging, icy droplets of water start to fall on me. Then a downpour with the might of a watefall. The greyness turns darker. The waves begin their ascent. My boat rocks with a wild abandon. The wind threatens to capsize my very self into the deepest reaches of the ocean. The nearby rocks threaten to pierce my resolve with their sharp edges, and my blood, my life, would flow out of me. The sea has become the sky, and the sky has become and sea.
It is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.
There is much joy and love on the road ahead.
To these friends, nay, these guardian angels who knew no rest, you know who you are. You have been a tremendous blessing to me this past year and I appreciate you to the deepest of my soul. I love each and every one of you with my heart, and only hope that I can be as accountable to you, and you have been to me. Your friendship means a great deal to me, and I pray that it'll last a lifetime.
"Faith, Hope, Love. And the greatest of these is Love."
I want to take this time now to give thanks for some of the blessings I had received in 2007, in no specific order.
1) 04A1A
2) Sarah F, Ryan K, Debbie F, Candice K, Brian C
3) Epicurie
4) Traffic Police and my commission
5) Haji Lane and Pluck
6) KL trip with OCTs
7) Amanda Goh, Jonathan Lim, Yong Cheng and Council
8) Random meetings in public places with long lost friends
9) Baybeats and Lime Sonic Bang (rock on.)
10) Emiko, Emily Seow and Mei Jian
11) All the birthdays we still celebrate, or at least try to (this year's our 21st!!)
12) Lucas, Ji Hao and Mark
13) My OCT gang
14) Church, and they people who never gave up on me. you know who you are.
15) BMT Boys
16) Pink I/C (ORD LOH.)
God Himself was a big blessing to me, and so has He given me much, much more in the past year. I thank Lord Jesus earnestly and sincerely, and rededicate my life to Him.
Tuning to a slightly more solemn mood, I had lost some good friends in 2007. Either by circumstance or fate, I do not know. In 2007, I lived in the real world, even if only for a period of time. A world where the walls of the classroom could protect no longer. A world where the safety nets were withdrawn, and you were left to fall on your own. A world where cynicism reigns, and the idealist dies. I witnessed people who had a total lack of feeling, but were far superior in intelligence and wit. I remember, on many an empty day, I would sit ad wonder, how they became the way they were.
And in one of my friends I saw it. How care and concern gave way to competitiveness and self centredness. I am not judging, for I am not in any seat to, but I lament greatly, how many people go through their lives without ever knowing the mistakes they made. I am an idealist, and sometimes I have hope for the people around me, as if I myself were living their lives. And when that image dies, a part of me dies. Cynicism attacks in a deadly poison of indifference.
Maybe that's how I lost those friends. Or maybe, they just moved on. Maybe we all just moved on.
I remember back in 2005, I wrote a poem about my class. I can't remember the exact words now, but I remember writing this sentence: Sometimes, to move a step forward, is to reach for the door, and take the step back.
I kneel, and pray with an earnest might, that I will not lose myself in the coming year. After the catastrophe of 2006, it took me one whole year to find myself again. I still am, because contrary to popular belief, I am still a teenager, and as such, I have a right to be entirely useless, perpetually clueless and rocking my butt off, while trying to find my way. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am not ashamed of that.
I am not afraid to say that 2008 will be a trying and tiring year. There will be much change, perhaps, too much change. For the last 2 years, I had known nothing of the world outside of NS. Now, I am fighting my way back into society with my pampered stomach and ignorant mind. Uni will come next, and honestly, I fear speculation more than the entry itself. Many people change in uni. I guess all that's required of us, is to make sure that change is good, nothing more. In uni, I will be without 2 of the most important people in my life, you know who you are. To 1 of you, I support your decision for faraway shores, where white gulls hark you a calling. To the other, I support you as well, and am happy for you doing what you love and want to do.
I thank God for my family, who has been extremely supportive of my every decision. They are golden. There is so much love in the house, although there is still the occasional quarrel here and there, for which I am deeply sorry for. I love you very much, although I guess I don't say it out loud. I hope you are proud of me for all that I had/had not done. 2007 was a struggle for time between family and friends, and I ask God to please give me better time management for 2008. So if anyone has read up to this point, and if I should unexpectedly die, please draw my family to this entry.
On a personal front, I hope to find myself in music this year, and I pray that Epicurie will be able to release our debut album soon, and settle our band. Also, Manchester United will win the treble this year. :P
Using the analogy of my kayaking expedition back in 2006, it is the start of the year and I am still lingering in the calm waters of Pulau Ubin. My confidence is high, and nothing is impossible. An idealist has lofty ideals which may either see him through to safe shores, or decimate him in the stormy seas. I will soon embark on my first channel crossing to the mainland. The crossing has to be fast and hard. A spear attack, as in the days of old, where the word 'rest' cannot be allowed to penetrate the mind. Dark greyish clouds loom yonder the horizon. A storm will approach with fierce ferocity. The waves will be high, and the treacherous waters will threaten to engulf me. The sea has an appetite for man which knows no comparison. The clear water vanishes into a colour of darkness, and I can no longer see the kaleidoscope of corals and reefs below me. A fall of rain to the far south. A roar of winds that deafens my thoughts into silence. I cannot think, as lethargy overcomes my strength. I fight against the forces, and all seems futile.
The rain approaches. I cannot find the way back home. Stinging, icy droplets of water start to fall on me. Then a downpour with the might of a watefall. The greyness turns darker. The waves begin their ascent. My boat rocks with a wild abandon. The wind threatens to capsize my very self into the deepest reaches of the ocean. The nearby rocks threaten to pierce my resolve with their sharp edges, and my blood, my life, would flow out of me. The sea has become the sky, and the sky has become and sea.
It is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.
There is much joy and love on the road ahead.
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