Laugh, I nearly died

It's not that I'm arrogant, or anti-social or plain unfriendly,
It's just...It's just a whole other life altogether. I feel so detached from it over the years.
I've grown up a lot from then, and then, yeah i was pretty stupid, made a lot of bad moves, invited a lot of gossip.

but one thing, one thing...
i definitely did not deserve all those rumours that destroyed everything I had, and may even still be continuing to tear apart what i'm trying to piece up. Even up to today, I still have not a clue what was said.

A different time.

And now I hope you know why I'm quiet around you, why I don't talk much.
There's a hooded figure of paranoia hanging around my back, sickle ready to strike.
You know it hurts, it hurts so damn badly that I have to be so cautious around certain groups of people, all because I'm afraid of the rumours they have possibly heard and what they think about me and shit. and you know me, I am very conscious about what people think. It's so depressing, because even when you wanna revive a friendship, or catch up on old times, it's so hard...cuz at the back of your head, you know that they know something at the back of theirs.

It could be true...

....or maybe the sickle has already pierced my heart.

p.s. To the people who had nothing better to do than spread rumours then, you made my sec school life hell. I don't hate you or anything, just wanna know why.

p.s.s. Sorry for the angsty post.