Wednesday, January 30, 2008

what Sarah said

Think I'm slowly starting to realise that in my life to come, no matter what I'm going to do; find a job, start a family, make money, lose money, travel the world, marry off my daughter... there's nothing in the world like running through muddy fields with my rifle. And as each day passes, I am slowly degenerating, slowing disintegrating...

So, this is what it's like to die...

Friday, January 25, 2008

More than us

You inspire me, and it's what pulls me through.
you don't even know..

I'm thinking of the words to say.
closer, closer...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Flowers in the window

I think this post is way overdue. Actually, come to think of it, I think a happy post has been a long time coming, reckon people who read this blog think i'm this perpetually depressed robot from the future in a galaxy far, far away, a planet most probably called 'emonia' or something like that.

Anyway, the 'Front' season has been in for quite a few episodes already, but due to my procastination and plain laziness, it has not featured here yet. I remember blogging about the last season of Front few months back, and I think I said something like it was the best arts oriented programme Singapore had to offer. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it did! (wow...did I like..run out of phrases or something?)

Firstly, and no offence to Najip, thank God they brought back Kumar. In my humble opinion, Kumar is God's gift to Singapore media, Singapore comedy, Singapore Arts, and of course, Front. I am such a hugggeeeeee fan! In today's episode, he had an interview with Foreign Minister Geroge Yeo, and he was classic. I thought he was an instant hit, and I haven't laughed like I did for a very long time.

Quote of the show : "If I was in PAP, I would cut the ERP." I was in tears. Any other person who said it wouldn't be half as funny.

Hossan Leong's also a good addition to the team. It's a real pity, though, that he doesn't get more air time, cuz when he does, he's simply superb! I think he's another one that the arts scene here should be thankful for.

And then there's Phin a.k.a. clone kelvin ong! He's so witty and flamboyant. Seriously, I often watch the show and wonder about his childhood. Sometimes his jokes or quips are so deep it takes me a moment to get it (guys, not saying much). I reckon he has good music taste too, cuz there was this once, he gave Icky Thump a rating of 4/5.

And finally, there's Debbie Wong and Eunice Olsen. What a spectacular pairing. You can really see the chemistry between the two of them, as though they're sisters. If there was ever one local celebrity I've always wanted to meet, it would be Debbie Wong. (:

(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:

On an ending note, I would like to dedicate 'Flowers in the window' by Travis to the 5 Front presenters, who have made such a big impact on my life, even though I've never met them (but would really, really like to, can you tell, can you tell?!).

"Wow look at you now
Flowers in the window
It's such a lovely day
And I'm glad you feel the same
Cause to stand up, out in the crowd
You are one in a million
And I love you so
Lets watch the flowers grow"

Monday, January 21, 2008

Couldn't we try?

It's funny.

January 21 2005
"Disillusion sets in. There are a sea of faces, but I see none of them. It is a factory production line, and I am caught right smack in the middle of it. They stereotype us. I stereotype them. They stereotype me. I think I have lost my sense of identity, and no, it is not just the card. I saw him today, or was it yesterday? I seem to have lost track of time. The sun scorches. Mindless routines that will turn us into leaders...someday. I feel the heat. I hear a siren somewhere in the distance. Was it yesterday, or this afternoon? A mirage in the desert. I am thirsty......"

January 21 2008
I used to think that we usually lost ourselves into stereotypes when we entered NS. A place where a natural camouflage painted itself on our faces, and we would blend in. I could be called Shane, or I could be called Koh, or I could be called 3305. I used to think that to the commanders, I was just another batch, just another recruit, just another generic form of life being that presented in their presence.

I think, I was wrong.

Having a taste of the outside world for quite some time now, I look to my BMT and OCT days with fonder. There, I was someone's leader, I was someone's friend, I was someone's brother. I crawled in the mud with my platoon mates, outwardly showing signs of disgust, but inwardly laughing a tear. I paddled against the wrath of mother nature with my squad mates, and when I was weak, they carried me.

I think, we lose ourselves when we come out to the real world. And it's a daily struggle to prevent that from happening. It's not so much a destruction, but a degeneration, till you fade into nothingness, and the people who once knew you, don't recognise you anymore. Mindless routines. The sun scorches. There are a sea of faces, but I see none of them. It is a factory production line, and I am caught right smack in the middle of it. Disillusion sets in.

They stereotype us. I stereotype them. They stereotype me.

January 21 2005 (continued)
"....I am thirsty. I lost my water bottle. Parched lips. Dehydration. The sun scorches.
He found my water bottle. He gave it to me."

Degeneration.

Friday, January 18, 2008

The War

In the press today,

"If you haven't heard Melee's breakout hit, Built To Last on radio, you would surely have heard it on Samsung's television ads. The song hurtled the California quartet into the public eye......but are they in danger of being a one-hit-wonder, or, worse, being known as the band behind a television commercial?"

What a load of trash.

The audacity. It's simply atrocious. A heap of rubbish that should never have seen the light of print, just as Melee should never have seen the darkness of the mainstream disease.

Firstly, and I am sure this is gonna be much of a surprise to unsuspecting wannabes out there, Melee is not a new band.
*Pause for effect*
Melee has been around since 2004, and even appeared on the widely insane/successful Vans Warped Tour series in the same year. So, for the alternative crowd, Melee is already one for the ears, especially for those on the punk alternative circuit. I think it's safe to say that if you're on the warped tour, you're not in any danger of being a 'one-hit-wonder'. Remember Moby, and that car commercial which had their song in it? Yeah, I remember the song, but not the title either. That is not what Melee's about.

I think bands like Melee don't deserve the superficiality of mainstream, and vice versa, I don't think the mainstream crowd deserves a band like Melee. I've been monitoring the radio scene quite closely over the past few months, and I think the alternative/indie world is about to be seriously breeched. The last line of defence, in my opinion, is the hip-hop/r&b scene. Pop is almost non-existent now, Jazz is not widely played, and no, we don't have country.

Bands like Melee don't have to prove themselves to the mainstream audience. They have a solid backing in the underground, a solid wall of specialised dedication and passion for the band, one that will not falter depending on the number of records they sell.

Now that, is what i call 'Built To Last'.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Our Last Summer

MOSH acoustic 08 was an awesome night. It also marked the start of the epicurean calendar, which would see many more of such gigs to come. Last night was also significant, because we debuted our first 4 originals, and I guess, above everything else, it meant a lot more to us on a personal level. When the audience clapped, we felt the sense of achievement, because the appreciation was for something we had done ourselves, and not copied or mimicked. That's not to say that covers are bad, and we'll probably continue with it in our repertoire. Here's a few groups of people I'd like to thank,

The MOSH committee - For organising the whole event, and for continually planning for kick ass platforms like MOSH. It really does help the little guys like us. Shout out to Fawwaz, who has been ever supportive of us.

The Class Guys - These bunch of people have been to almost every gig that Mel, Ivan and I have played in, save one or 2. Their support means the whole to me, and it really feels as though there's someone really meaningful to sing and play to whenever they're there.

Jacq and Geok - For staying on, and for all their nice comments (which were really, really, really, niceeee, like so sweet, to a diabetic degree). Awesome supporters, great people.

Godwin - For awesome pictures.

Giants Must Fall - We 'opened' for them. hahaha ok no, they were just the band playing after us :p

Mel's Father and Ben - For driving our equipment here and there. Hello uncle!!

Mel and Ivan - For rocking our asses off!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

In Rainbows

2007 was a recovery year for me. I told God, that even if I were to get nothing else in the year, all I wanted, was to be surrounded by close friends. God was, and is, faithful, and He delivered. I found myself sleeping in comfort and walking in bliss, as my guardian angels flew by me. They were with me through the journeys in the abyss, where seemingly, fate was not to have me climb out of. They blew their trumpets, when the forces of evil raged war against me, and the demons with their forked minds and instruments had their banners disintegrate in the divine glory. They carried me, when I was weak, and was unable to go on, my hands and feet war weary, and the cold of the Ardennes limbed my thoughts and resolve. They gave me shelter and respite, as I fell asleep around them, the only place I knew I could be safe. I called it home.

To these friends, nay, these guardian angels who knew no rest, you know who you are. You have been a tremendous blessing to me this past year and I appreciate you to the deepest of my soul. I love each and every one of you with my heart, and only hope that I can be as accountable to you, and you have been to me. Your friendship means a great deal to me, and I pray that it'll last a lifetime.

"Faith, Hope, Love. And the greatest of these is Love."

I want to take this time now to give thanks for some of the blessings I had received in 2007, in no specific order.

1) 04A1A
2) Sarah F, Ryan K, Debbie F, Candice K, Brian C
3) Epicurie
4) Traffic Police and my commission
5) Haji Lane and Pluck
6) KL trip with OCTs
7) Amanda Goh, Jonathan Lim, Yong Cheng and Council
8) Random meetings in public places with long lost friends
9) Baybeats and Lime Sonic Bang (rock on.)
10) Emiko, Emily Seow and Mei Jian
11) All the birthdays we still celebrate, or at least try to (this year's our 21st!!)
12) Lucas, Ji Hao and Mark
13) My OCT gang
14) Church, and they people who never gave up on me. you know who you are.
15) BMT Boys
16) Pink I/C (ORD LOH.)

God Himself was a big blessing to me, and so has He given me much, much more in the past year. I thank Lord Jesus earnestly and sincerely, and rededicate my life to Him.

Tuning to a slightly more solemn mood, I had lost some good friends in 2007. Either by circumstance or fate, I do not know. In 2007, I lived in the real world, even if only for a period of time. A world where the walls of the classroom could protect no longer. A world where the safety nets were withdrawn, and you were left to fall on your own. A world where cynicism reigns, and the idealist dies. I witnessed people who had a total lack of feeling, but were far superior in intelligence and wit. I remember, on many an empty day, I would sit ad wonder, how they became the way they were.

And in one of my friends I saw it. How care and concern gave way to competitiveness and self centredness. I am not judging, for I am not in any seat to, but I lament greatly, how many people go through their lives without ever knowing the mistakes they made. I am an idealist, and sometimes I have hope for the people around me, as if I myself were living their lives. And when that image dies, a part of me dies. Cynicism attacks in a deadly poison of indifference.

Maybe that's how I lost those friends. Or maybe, they just moved on. Maybe we all just moved on.

I remember back in 2005, I wrote a poem about my class. I can't remember the exact words now, but I remember writing this sentence: Sometimes, to move a step forward, is to reach for the door, and take the step back.

I kneel, and pray with an earnest might, that I will not lose myself in the coming year. After the catastrophe of 2006, it took me one whole year to find myself again. I still am, because contrary to popular belief, I am still a teenager, and as such, I have a right to be entirely useless, perpetually clueless and rocking my butt off, while trying to find my way. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am not ashamed of that.

I am not afraid to say that 2008 will be a trying and tiring year. There will be much change, perhaps, too much change. For the last 2 years, I had known nothing of the world outside of NS. Now, I am fighting my way back into society with my pampered stomach and ignorant mind. Uni will come next, and honestly, I fear speculation more than the entry itself. Many people change in uni. I guess all that's required of us, is to make sure that change is good, nothing more. In uni, I will be without 2 of the most important people in my life, you know who you are. To 1 of you, I support your decision for faraway shores, where white gulls hark you a calling. To the other, I support you as well, and am happy for you doing what you love and want to do.

I thank God for my family, who has been extremely supportive of my every decision. They are golden. There is so much love in the house, although there is still the occasional quarrel here and there, for which I am deeply sorry for. I love you very much, although I guess I don't say it out loud. I hope you are proud of me for all that I had/had not done. 2007 was a struggle for time between family and friends, and I ask God to please give me better time management for 2008. So if anyone has read up to this point, and if I should unexpectedly die, please draw my family to this entry.

On a personal front, I hope to find myself in music this year, and I pray that Epicurie will be able to release our debut album soon, and settle our band. Also, Manchester United will win the treble this year. :P

Using the analogy of my kayaking expedition back in 2006, it is the start of the year and I am still lingering in the calm waters of Pulau Ubin. My confidence is high, and nothing is impossible. An idealist has lofty ideals which may either see him through to safe shores, or decimate him in the stormy seas. I will soon embark on my first channel crossing to the mainland. The crossing has to be fast and hard. A spear attack, as in the days of old, where the word 'rest' cannot be allowed to penetrate the mind. Dark greyish clouds loom yonder the horizon. A storm will approach with fierce ferocity. The waves will be high, and the treacherous waters will threaten to engulf me. The sea has an appetite for man which knows no comparison. The clear water vanishes into a colour of darkness, and I can no longer see the kaleidoscope of corals and reefs below me. A fall of rain to the far south. A roar of winds that deafens my thoughts into silence. I cannot think, as lethargy overcomes my strength. I fight against the forces, and all seems futile.

The rain approaches. I cannot find the way back home. Stinging, icy droplets of water start to fall on me. Then a downpour with the might of a watefall. The greyness turns darker. The waves begin their ascent. My boat rocks with a wild abandon. The wind threatens to capsize my very self into the deepest reaches of the ocean. The nearby rocks threaten to pierce my resolve with their sharp edges, and my blood, my life, would flow out of me. The sea has become the sky, and the sky has become and sea.

It is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.

There is much joy and love on the road ahead.