admiration

i admire people who can play tennis, cuz when i hit the tennis ball, it flies way out of the court.
i admire people who can write concise and meaningful articles, cuz i don't think i would be able to.
i admire people who can run their 2.4km without ease, breathless, for most of the time i die halfway.
i admire people who have the ability to be humble, for it is one of the hardest things to do.
i admire people who stare pain in the face, and bid it to fall full force, for courage is lacking in me.
i admire people who actually sit down and study, for i lack the discipline to.
i admire people who constantly try to improve themselves, even though they are already the geniuses of their generation.
i admire people who have a strong christian faith, for i know it is a hard thing to maintain it.
i admire people who have the guts to go up and talk to girls, for i lack the element to do so.
i admire people who will lay down their lives for their friends, so it is the ultimate sacrifice.
i admire people who gossip and bitch and ignore you, for they have the power to condemn you to depression and locking you inside the abyss.

i finally get it..

I am Iago.
today i faced death head on. sometimes i died, sometimes i conquered the overwhelming darkness. sometimes the darkness had allies, and they conspired against me, plotting to throw me into the abyss forever, never letting me out. i overheard them planning to cement the hole overhead, my source of life, my only source of light and thereby confining me.
but do take note, for i am Iago.
best friends means you get what you deserve. if we go down, we go down together.
complex labyrinths of webs and i pull them. the puppet master.

art

today during economics tuition, i learnt an artistic form. i learnt the meaning of abstract.
i asked my tuition teacher something and he replied,
"yea i know what you're trying to say but can you get what i'm trying to say"
i was erupting volcanos of laughter in my mind. hmm, just like gp lesson the other day, it got so boring that raymond and i found anything and everything funny. haha, we get high when we're bored. call it self pleasure in the less sickening sense...:)
in other self pleasurizing news, hmm..., tml is cross country and ray signed me up for medics. yay, i love you ray, thanks for getting me out of the run. yay and i can help people too!

Melissa and Ivan

today's entry is dedicated to my band members.
my school and life have been made that much more bearable and enjoyable with them around. their company to me is indispensible and i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Melissa, for being the ultimate source of laughter, whether we're poking fun at her or whether she's making one of her trademark cold jokes, haha, it never fails to liven our spirits.
Ivan, for his never ending source of encouragement and modesty, and the never ending flow of christian influence. his pranks and jokes and laughter are invaluable sources of energy.
hey guys, thanks a lot for saving me for various reasons connected to my life. without you guys, i would certainly not be the person i am today. i love you guys man! yay.

Iago

i've just watched the modern day version of Othello on film. it's called O. you know, now i really understand the meaning of a picture is worth a thousand worths, and a movie is worth a thousand more. this film has really given me an insight on the characters i thought i knew and thrown light on the other side of them.
the jealously and hatred Iago has for Othello, i can now finally understand why and watching the motives for the hatred unfold before, i can't help but feel sympathetic with Iago and agree with what he has done. when one is reading the book, one cannot physically see the onslaught that Iago is made to go through. a hellish torture.
Roderigo is another character who has shown that he is vital to the plot and is indispensible. in many ways, he can be parallelled to Othello. the way he endures everything just to get his true love and his guliblity, without which Iago would have found difficulty in carrying out his plans.
after the movie i was left in tears and sort of hyper ventilating. because i realised one thing, one thing so evident throughout the whole movie but i failed to comprehend until the end, until the very last sentence.
it dawned on me that, i am Iago. I am Iago. I am Iago. the more i say it the more it makes sense.
these are Iago's last lines in the movie, and it sums up my life.
All my life I always wanted to fly. I always wanted to live like a hawk. I know you're not supposed to be jealous of anything, but...to take flight, to soar above everything and everyone, now that's living. But a hawk is no good around normal birds. It can't fit in. Even though all the other birds probably wanna be hawks; they hate him for what they can't be. Proud. Powerful. Determined. Dark. Othello is a hawk. He soars above us. He can fly. One of these days, everyone's gonna pay attention to me. Because I'm gonna fly too.

first slack morning of the year

hey everyone,
yay yesterday was quite fun. left school at around 1.10 (the earliest time i've left school this year..can you believe it??)
haha, according to ginny, i have no life.
anyways, went to melissa's house with ivan to slack there. it was sort of a band slacking session. we had pizza(which ivan and i have not paid mel yet) hahaha and we played ps2 for like the longest time. winning eleven 1. haha, the newest game in town.
yay i love my band.

are you with me? yay or nay?

first few days of real school. well it's tough catching up and i'm feeling lost, left behind, as though on the mariner's ship and not seeing my countree yonder the horizon. day passes into night, and night passes into day. it is a cycle. one that goes fast and does not stop to rest. lose the momentum and you're out of it.
yea i've been trying my best to catch up with everything. hope it helps.
anyways, it may seem early, but from these 3 days, i more or less have come up with a theory, which is, who are the people i can rely on and who are the people i can't.
needless to say, i will not write their names so publicly. it is for me to know and partly cuz pretty much no one else cares about my life. yes, i am insignificant to most. but to those who see me when i'm invisible, those are the ones. thank you for making my life that much better guys. you wouldn't know, but jus the thought of you guys have saved me from depression many times. thank you.
depression. what a beautiful emotion. crying. what a splendid expression. i love them. i embrace them. they are such strong energies, even mightier than happiness or joy. when i'm in depression mode, secretly in an ironic twist, i enjoy it. and we all do. i am not exclusive here. think about it and you'll realise that deep down, each one of us enjoys depression, sadness and self pity. it is a beautiful emotion, one that i embrace. it is my fuel, my energy to broadcast my potentials. hmm i seriously doubt anyone has read until here, but if you do, thanks for reading my thoughts. windows.

purgatory

oh man oh man
today is my first offical day in school. the lessons are poring in, tis like falls, fast and furious in wild abandon. so many things i have to do, have to catch up with.
1)Economics. i am like still stuck at resouce allocation when the lectures have already finished economic systems and are moving on to the new lectures on wednesday.
2)History. have to catch up with first lecture of both SEA and European history. have to do mr.Kellett's tutorial questions.
3)Literature. i realise that i have to actually read both persuasions and othello to actually know what's going on in class. ok i was totally lost today. thank goodness i've read 4 acts of othello already. it helps.

hmm yea that's about it.
my current band, both permanent and potentially permanent members
Ivan, Melissa, Xin Yin, Xavier
you're the icing on the cake as it is to my life. :)

newton's law

blind leaders walking into a trap which ironically we are setting for ourselves.
the hunter leaves a trap he wants to walk into and the bear stands in the bushes letting out a huge bellowing laugh that echoes in the forest.
the worst thing about the whole thing is that only one person in the whole situation knows what is happening, yet he does not do anything. he merely writes all his thoughts down and watches as the events unfold. he is like a narrator who cannot do anything do affect the story. he merely writes what is happening and does not do anything to change the story.
it's like the play "us and them" where the narrator cannot do anything to stop the quarrels and fights between the 2 groups of people. he can only write what he sees, in hoping that someone might read that book of history and learn from it.
exposure. cheers. trust. familiarity. love. brotherhood. sisterhood. faith. bonds. support.
we have blindly and so willingly given it to them.
did we dare think that such an effect would have no consequence? how foolish of us!
stupid fools!
it would lead to only one thing-a revolution.
it will come swift and mighty and there'll be no stopping it. then we will cry, we will cry alone.
only then will the narrator reveal his book.

2005

hey everyone
i just watched phantom of the opera yesterday!
the movie was great and can be paralleled to the musical itself. haha, i was fortunate enough to watch the movie in england when i was in sec 2.
anyways, i spent the first hour of the new year with *drum roll*
russell, faith, rose, alex and tp!! haha yay, ok one really can't find a better group than these bunch of people. yay.
alrights, i look forward to this year with anticipation.