aye, there he was

Finally, i'm begining to understand what girls mean when they tell guys to 'be themselves'. i just found out that i really don't know how to act(no pun intended) when i'm alone with a girl. to some extent it may be due to the fact that i'm constantly surrounding myself with guys. but i still the real reason is that i haven't exactly been myself, meaning to say that the real me isn't out there. and to think if this were to continue, i would die without anyone knowing who shane was.

"what a frightening thing is the human, a mass of gauges and dials and registers, and we can read only a few and those perhaps not accurately."

"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone."

3 more weeks

i found out something about myself through the past few weeks. i guess i always had this character trait, just that it has tangibly solidified in my mind right now.( yes i see the oxymoron) i realise that when i am near a girl whom i think is pretty or beautiful or whatsoever along those lines, i will somehow always want to avoid her gaze or even look at her. also, i notice that i tend to speak less as well.
i'm not sure why.
but these few weeks i've begun to take notice of this habit of mine.
i remember watching this movie though i cannot remember which at this point in time, where one of the male characters had this habit of never touching the hand of the woman he liked.
to me, i would call it the inferiority complex.
i do't know why i'm rambling about this.

i miss you so much. i wish you could know.

i really wish i could spend christmas with you.
under the snow,
under the mistle toe.
where you'd look into my eyes,
and i'd be too unworthy to look into yours.
you blush,
and i place my hand on yours.
the roughness of my skin,
against the smoothness of yours.
i really hope you don't mind.
we're alone at your place.
you told me you were scared and lonely,
cause your family's away,
leaving your heart empty,
as i bleed my hardest to fill in the gap.

if only you knew what i am thinking of doing for you.