Feeling a moment

So many emotions flood on me when I look at this picture, I'm actually trying to write down the one. The one reason behind my recent state of emotional wreckness.

And why, why I have come to accept it to be a part of who I am.

I remember the other day when I was with Esther and Candice at an Arab Street cafe, somewhere along the conversation I was telling them some personal stuff, and the raw, unkept emotions that I felt, the state I lived in, and then Candice said, "well you have to guard yourself against it (the emotions)."

I thought for a while, and replied,

"I don't think I want to. I want to feel this."

It's painful, yes, it is. It hurts like hell. When my head touches that pillow in the dark room, all is silent, but all is not. My thoughts drift to all the worries life can possibly conjure up. I worry about family, friends, school, work, my future, relationships, marriage, my future home, my wife's dream wedding, my kid's name....i worry about myself, whether or not I'm going to lose who I am and not be the guy I want to be. It hurts like hell. And it's tragic, yes.

But that's life.

And if it's tragedy, then give me tragedy.

Faith, hope, love

After I pasted this on my wall, the following conversation ensued, while i was in the toilet making some transactions.

*footsteps into my room*
*hastened footsteps out of my room*
*somewhere in the distance*

Glenn: "Mom, mom, i think you better come and see this."
*more footsteps into my room*
*banging on the toilet door"

mom: "shane ah! what is this you pasted on your wall ah? what's all this anger thing?!?"
shane: "see the centre square, mom..."
mom: "i don't care what lah, what's happening ah?"
shane: "it's just a phase..."
mom:"what phase?"
shane: "the world has disappointed me phase.."
mom: "oh......Anthony (my dad), aiyah nothing lah nothing lah!"

Peace of mind

The best presents anyone could ever ask for. (Yes Sarah and Ryan! That includes the T-shirt!! Although you 2 and Debbie would have made even better ones!! Haha)





These are just some of the pictures. For the rest, it’s on facebook. If you don’t have facebook, get it. If you’re still hung up on friendster, get a life. (hint: it’s called facebook)

p.s. thanks to Emily Tan for being the photographer for the day! Her pics are really quite awesome.

The place you have come to fear the most

During the unearthly hours of pre-dawn on my birthday, I was wide awake in bed, unable to sleep. I tried to convince myself that it was the excitement of the day to come, but somehow, a nagging feeling crept up, whispering to me that that wasn’t it. The hisses continued, and in the darkness of my room, where all familiarity faded and counted for nothing, I began to reflect on the past year.

My first thoughts were of the New Year countdown that I had with the class guys and Michelle. I remember standing on the esplanade bridge as the final few seconds of 2006 slipped by. That night, I took some time to pray. I told God, that for the next year, I wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by close friends. I wanted to establish new friendships, solidify wavering ones, revive dying ones and seal the already strong ones. Essentially, I prayed that I would be a good friend, the best I ever could, I would give it my all, my everything, to the people around me. I wanted to be that person who would make that extra effort to inject in some humanity and warmth into the production line. In the dead of the night, on my bed, Jane Austen appeared and reminded me of Captain Harville as a man of, “a degree of warmth and hospitality so uncommon, so unlike the usual give and take invitations”. I remember looking up a lot to this seaman when I was in JC, and I guess, I could say, that Harville, though fictional as he may be, has played a sea’s worth of influence on my character ever since.

Somewhere along the stairs of my house, there was a sudden snap, and in silence, it was as loud as a cannon shot. I shuddered at the sudden, forceful and brutal thought of whether I had become that person in this past year. And then I thought of all the friends I had around me, their faces emerging out of the darkness, faintly glowing in the cold of the room.

And so, at the ungodly hour of 3am, I felt a wave of blessing upon me, and fell into a deep, deep sleep.

401st Post

And I thought to myself, if I were to sit at that Ben and Jerry's, at that exact spot for the rest of my life with them...

...I wouldn't mind, I wouldn't mind at all.

Weekend Roundup

Alright let’s have a totally non-bias commentary on the weekend games.

Everton 0 – Manchester United 1

I have to admit, another lackluster performance from the lads in red. Nonetheless, what mattered was that they got the 3 points in the bag, and have propelled themselves up to 4th in the table. Although Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal all have a game in hand, it represents a significant increase from 14th just 3 weeks ago. Possession wise, I guess it was pretty much even, though the boys from Goodison always looked the more threatening. Goal line clearances and shaky defence from individuals gave the impression that maybe, just maybe, Everton would steal the win. The home supporters were in full voice, spurring on their heroes.

But, the Red Devils were resilient and calm. They kept the pressure on, and looked particularly looming on the flanks. In the 83rd minute (by this point my heart was beating 72589075 times per second), United were give a corner. The screen then focused on Ferdinand and Vidic jogging towards the penalty box. I remember feeling very inspired then, and I thought to myself, “Man… what would United do without these 2 pillars in defence?” And then, like a vision, I just had a feeling that that was it. A goal was coming. And sure enough, Vidic, the ever reliant header goal-scorer, did it.

What followed was an intense last 10 minutes or so, when somewhere during the 90th and 94th minute I died for a while, with the referee’s final whistle bringing me back to life.

I think United missed Hargreaves in midfield and Rooney up front. Saha didn’t exactly disappoint, but then again, people have high expectations of him now, and that’s not exactly fair. Evra played a spectacular game, tearing down the flanks and assisting in the attacks, although he’s a defender who does his job brilliantly also. Brown had a bad game, and we’re still waiting to see the report on Silvestre’s injury. (After note: he’s out for the season!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh)

Chelsea 0 – Blackburn 0

Haha. Good on ya, Blackburn!

Portsmouth 0 – Liverpool 0

You’ll never walk alone.

Spurs 1 – Arsenal 3

It never pours but it floods. That’s not to take away an emphatic performance by the Gunners.

Sunderland 2 – Reading 1

The Stadium of Light is shining again.

Super Nintendo

The most kick ass console the world will ever see.

Day of Days

I think I'm seriously living too far in the past. Take today for example, everybody knows what day it is today right? Yup Sept 11 and all.
So i was in the canteen watching channel news asia (without sound as it was too noisy) today, and then pictures of some military ceremony came onto the screen, and i was thinking to myself, "Hmm...looks like some commemorative ceremony, it's military....hmmmmmm....what happened during World War II today....?"

....

Winter of our discontent

I am so clumsy, but I am so tired.
The strings are taut, and my hands are burning from the abrasion.
The world is turning, and they are slipping. It is leaving me behind, along with my ideals that are scorned.
I haven't been back here for quite sometime, and now I know not why I return.
Motiveless Malignity. Ho! Ho! My honest friend, Iago, 'tis been a while.
In the darkness.
In the abyss.

I'm just not good enough, I've never been.

Excuse my french

Me: Hello?! Alvyn?
Alvyn: Hey wassup man?
Me: Eh, how do you get fron Hougang to Bishan ah?
Alvyn: ER......
Me: Okay when you wanna come to my house, how do you come?
Alvyn: Taxi..

Mr Brightside

Yeah, cuz that's what I am, lame and unseen.

dammit.

Laugh, I nearly died

It's not that I'm arrogant, or anti-social or plain unfriendly,
It's just...It's just a whole other life altogether. I feel so detached from it over the years.
I've grown up a lot from then, and then, yeah i was pretty stupid, made a lot of bad moves, invited a lot of gossip.

but one thing, one thing...
i definitely did not deserve all those rumours that destroyed everything I had, and may even still be continuing to tear apart what i'm trying to piece up. Even up to today, I still have not a clue what was said.

A different time.

And now I hope you know why I'm quiet around you, why I don't talk much.
There's a hooded figure of paranoia hanging around my back, sickle ready to strike.
You know it hurts, it hurts so damn badly that I have to be so cautious around certain groups of people, all because I'm afraid of the rumours they have possibly heard and what they think about me and shit. and you know me, I am very conscious about what people think. It's so depressing, because even when you wanna revive a friendship, or catch up on old times, it's so hard...cuz at the back of your head, you know that they know something at the back of theirs.

It could be true...

....or maybe the sickle has already pierced my heart.

p.s. To the people who had nothing better to do than spread rumours then, you made my sec school life hell. I don't hate you or anything, just wanna know why.

p.s.s. Sorry for the angsty post.

Last night i dreamt of Manderley again..

Warning: Overdue posts ahead

Teachers’ Day

“No class came close to yours”. He said it with such a degree of sincerity that for a moment, I was in disbelief, no, rather, I could not believe him. And so, ever to break the slippery slopes of ice, half jokingly I said, “I’ll try to take that in a positive light.” Simply, he replied, almost immediately, “yea, yea, I really do mean it in that way.” I was stunned and deep beneath my eyes, tears; deep beneath my heart, shame.

After leaving NYJC for about 2 years, the school still continues to nurture me. The lessons ring in my ears, the click from Mr Kellett’s mouse plays a metronomic chorus, the words “Man Utd rocks” on Mr Tan’s essays are still before me. I see Miss Kwok dancing and jumping around the class, Mrs Teo lifts me up to Xanadu, Mr Yee still continues to spar with Kelvin and Mr Nathan still hasn’t given up hope on us.

“The Lit room doesn’t look like ours anymore.”
It doesn’t.

But sometimes nostalgia is all the more beautiful.


Weekend Results

Manchester United 1 Sunderland 0

That was what the scoreboard reflected. What it did not, was gratitude, passion, hope…and home, Old Trafford.

Roy Keane made his triumphant return to the theatre of dreams, not as a player, not even as someone on the side of United. It was one of the few times in history the Old Trafford Faithful gave a standing ovation to a manager of the opposing team.

A special guard of honour comprising members of both teams, as well as their managers, was laid out for a hero – Ole Gunner Solskjaer. Humble as always, he decked out, waved to the crowd, his crowd, a depth of gratitude and sincerity so intense, and left back into the tunnel. For anyone who needed a lesson in humility, that was it.

While watching the match, I had a mischievous feeling creeping up my spine, that perhaps, Roy Keane was thinking, “Owen reminds me of me”. Hargreaves played a spectacular match, marshaling the midfield, and keeping himself cool whenever he had the ball. There was a sense of calmness in his rhythm which spilled over to the team as a whole, and I really do hope that he would go far in his United career.

Aston Villa 2 – Chelsea 0

Ha Ha! (Nelson from the Simpsons)

Blackburn 1 – Man City 0

Excellent…. (Mr Burns)

Liverpool 6 – Derby 0

What the….

Fulham 3 – Spurs 3

It never rains but it pours.

Newcastle 1 – Wigan 0

Our old boy, Owen is back!

Supernatural

My parents bought me this for my advance birthday present. (urm that does not mean that I'll get another during my birthday haha :P)



I love it!! It's so Jensen Ackles (Dean) in Supernatural.